The State of Which I Am.

People always say- this too shall pass. Stay positive, brighter skies are ahead. Don’t think about the bad, it’s temporary- instead, think of the good.  I often wonder, hasn’t anyone ever been so desolate and desperate, and depressed that they just can’t even believe there is light waiting for them somewhere? Hasn’t anyone gone through a horrible phase in life where everything changes for the worse, and the bad just keeps piling up? I’m just so done with people not being real with me. This is real life, bad shit happens and no amount of happy words can change it. Bad things happen to good people-that’s just reality.

I’ve not been my happy, humorous self. I’ve lost readers and web traffic-but really, I’ve lost myself. I’ve been spending my days alternating between lying on the couch not able to move, and furiously cleaning my house. You could lick my floors and eat off my furniture-but please don’t ask or expect me to smile. Really, right now, I’m just “in it” for myself- trying to ride out this tsunami of despondency. And honestly, I think it’s about time I start focusing more on myself. It’s been years, and I don’t even know me. I’m a stranger to myself.

I crave alacrity. I dream of resoluteness. I lust after euphoria, but the chaos is just too resounding right now. Something’s gotta give, it eventually will, but I’ve never been a patient person. So I fight on, in this abhorrent crusade, knowing that I will eventually prevail. I’m too stubborn, and tenacious to just lay down and let life run me over-but let me tell you, it’s been giving me a hell of a time trying to win.

It’s okay to be depressed. I understand that now. What’s not okay is simply just giving up.

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Comments

  1. says

    Is it the winter blues or that you just need a break from life. I feel like every so often I get depressed and just want to lay around on the couch and eat junk food. It lasts for a week or so & then it passes.

    Hope you get to feeling better soon :)

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