Ah, good ole sex- or as some people call it: nooky, the horizontal mambo, boinking, bumping uglies, hiding the pickle, shagging, or even- riding the cowboy. I could go on, but no matter how you say it: sex is sex. Which brings me to the actual nature of this post- relationships and sexpectations.
A few weeks ago I was on Facebook reading a thread where people were answering this question: How many times a week do you have sex?
People were enthusiastically throwing out their answers left and right:
“Three times a week”
“Once a Day” (!)
“Two times a week”
“Twice a Day” (!!!!!!!) (ouch!) (it’s burning!)
“About seven times every two weeks” (huh?)
Honestly, I could hear my vagina crying. Where do these people find the time? Do they spend their days unemployed or naked, or both? And where were the people like me who don’t get to hide the salami or play pickle poke as often? Did they just not answer because, they too, were distracted by their sad vaginas?
I was baffled, but then the sex fog broke and here’s the thing I remembered after my vagina’s brief moment of grief- Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship. Which left me wondering: Do other people feel that sex is the most important part of a relationship? Am I truly alone in feeling the way I do about sex and relationships?
Is sex important? Yes. Is it the most important aspect of a relationship? No, I don’t think so. Some people may beg to differ though. What I’m trying to say is: we shouldn’t feel compelled to compare our sex lives to other peoples sex lives. Every couple is different, and every relationship unique.
Which brings me to my next question: is there such a thing as having too much sex? I personally can’t imagine having sex every day of the week-wouldn’t it get boring? Isn’t there only so much “spicing up” a couple can do before things start getting a little stale? I asked my husband to weigh in on the matter, because he’s a dude and dudes are apparently notorious for having “sex on the brain” 24/7, and this is what he said to me:
“Imagine you have a brand new backyard, a big one, it’s fenced in- and you spend all your days and nights running around that yard because you are so excited about it! At first, it’s great-but then after awhile it gets a little old. You get tired. The scenery gets boring because you’ve spent all your time constantly running around looking at everything. The excitement is gone. The same could be said for having too much sex.”
Though I’ve never heard sex compared to running around a backyard for days on end, my husbands input is simply evidence that men believe there is such a thing as “too much sex”. In my husbands eyes it’s the quality that counts, not the quantity.
I am not judging couples who enjoy sex several times a week. What could be “enough sex” to one couple could be “not enough sex” to the next couple. Ideally, couples know what they need from their relationship to have that relationship thrive-be it tons of sex or not. I am always left wondering though, am I the only female on this Earth who couldn’t give a crap about the amount of times she has sex in a week?
What are your thoughts and opinions on sex in a relationship? Do you feel there is such a thing as “too much” or “not enough” sex? Do you and your significant other see eye to eye on your sexual relations?
© Ashley Bunker, Memoirs of a Modern Day Wife 2013-2014